Saturday, November 8, 2008

President-Elect Obama's Saturday radio address

I'll never get over having to type "President-Elect Obama" ... you can listen here

On Tuesday, Americans stood in lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen. It didn’t matter who they were or where they came from; what they looked like or what party they belonged to – they came out and cast their ballot because they believed that in this country, our destiny is not written for us, but by us. We should all take pride in the fact that we once again displayed for the world the power of our democracy, and reaffirmed the great American ideal that this is a nation where anything is possible.

Thank you ABC, CBS, CNN, NY Times for making sure you investigated Sarah Palin more than me so that the American people didn't know who they were voting for. Also, a shout out to my boy Jeremiah and Billy (I'll see you guys tonight.) Oh right, also, a big thank you to Hamas and those silly Palestinians who think that I'll help them, for all those illegal internet donations. And lastly, thank you to Mastercard and Visa for allowing me to disable any sense of security so I'd have plausible deniability.

This week, I spoke with President Bush, who graciously offered his full support and assistance in this period of transition. Michelle and I look forward to meeting with him and the First Lady on Monday to begin that process. This speaks to a fundamental recognition that here in America we can compete vigorously in elections and challenge each other’s ideas, yet come together in service of a common purpose once the voting is done. And that is particularly important at a moment when we face the most serious challenges of our lifetime.

Wow, no protests, no crazy legal challenges? Amazing, no killing and bloodshed? Oh that's right, that would only have been if John McCain one. Wow, these Conservatives are pretty peaceful and respectful of our Democratic process.

Yesterday, we woke to more sobering news about the state of our economy. The 240,000 jobs lost in October marks the 10th consecutive month that our economy has shed jobs. In total, we’ve lost nearly 1.2 million jobs this year, and more than 10 million Americans are now unemployed. Tens of millions of families are struggling to figure out how to pay the bills and stay in their homes. Their stories are an urgent reminder that we are facing the greatest economic challenge of our lifetime, and we must act swiftly to resolve them.

Nice! Keep it up economy. As long as people are desperate they'll look for the government to save them. It is too bad though that some people are going to have to go without fake nails and cell phones though.

In the wake of these disturbing reports, I met with members of my Transition Economic Advisory Board, who will help guide the work of my transition team in developing a strong set of policies to respond to this crisis. While we must recognize that we only have one President at a time and that President Bush is the leader of our government, I want to ensure that we hit the ground running on January 20th because we don’t have a moment to lose.

I promise Hope and Change and I haven't got a clue what to do. I'm going to go ahead and use the oldest trick in the Washington playbook and put together a commission. I just won't call it that. Maybe they can figure it out? Oh yeah, and I'll make sure there is a lot of representation of big business, even though I villified them during the election, well, except my man Warren B.

We discussed several of the most immediate challenges facing our economy and key priorities on which to focus in the days and weeks ahead to ease the credit crisis, help hardworking families, and restore growth and prosperity.

Good thing we engineered this economic crisis. Phew. I hope it doesn't get too bad?

First, we need a rescue plan for the middle class that invests in immediate efforts to create jobs and provides relief to families that are watching their paychecks shrink and their life savings disappear.

We need to send everyone a check, especially if they didn't pay taxes. You know, so that overpaid union workers can make garbage cars to be sold at zero percent financing. Then we'll make sure that you can declare bankruptcy and keep your car, that way, you never have to actually pay for it, well unless you make more than $250k a year, then you'll pay double. We'll pay for the check by making anybody who makes over $250k a year send us a check, nah, forget that, we'll just seize their 401k's.

Then, we’ll address the spreading impact of the financial crisis on other sectors of our economy, and ensure that the rescue plan that passed Congress is working to stabilize financial markets while protecting taxpayers, helping homeowners, and not unduly rewarding the management of financial firms that are receiving government assistance.

Comrades, we will take over control of more companies. The Central Planning office will be opening very soon. You know, maybe we can pass a law requiring that CEO's only make 3X the lowest paid worker, but we'll make sure there is an exemption for Hollywood stars and Oprah, because you know, somebody has to get me re-elected.

Finally, we will move forward with a set of policies that will grow our middle-class and strengthen our economy in the long-term. We can’t afford to wait on moving forward on the key priorities that I identified during the campaign, including clean energy, health care, education and tax relief for middle class families.

We will give poor people welfare and then with their lousy job, free health care and free college they'll magically get new jobs that pay better, working for the Central Planning Goverment Office!

Let me close by saying I do not underestimate the enormity of the task that lies ahead. We’ve taken some major actions to date, and we will need further actions during this transition and subsequent months. Some of those choices will be difficult, but America is a strong and resilient country. I know that we will succeed if we put aside partisanship and work together as one nation. And that is what I intend to do.
My friends, America's economy is fundamentally sound. Oops, wait, Nancy Reagan talks to ghosts, she got so scared by one the other day, she broke her hip. Ha Ha Ha, aren't I funny?

In Response To: President-Elect Obama's Saturday radio address


SureHowDoYouKnow said...

Awesome work Mundy! Thank you for this post. This will be a great addition to this site.

We need these translations because things will never be as they seem during this Presidency!!

Alexander said...

Although I am not going to join the "Obama has big ears" crowd (Republican version of "George Bush is dumb"), I found this hysterical...LOL...and so on!

You know, we endured 8 years of George Bush hate...although it's great to be vigilant, I think we can hold this guy accountable without the "Obama has big ears" mindset.

Love you!

Fundy said...

We're gonna hold him accountable and have some fun while we do it. How do we turn Joe Biden into Dick Cheney? That's a tough one.

Mundy said...

Dick Cheney is way too smart.